My Kind of Horror: Chuckle, Chill, Repeat… Always Repeat

I grew up believing that horror was a genre that only consisted of A Nightmare on Elm Street and Hellraiser. It had to have lots of blood and a seriously high body count, or else it was… I don’t know, a thriller or something?

So I stayed away from horror, in film and in books, and I didn’t believe it would even be possible to have horror TV shows, since you can’t squeeze enough blood and guts past the censors to qualify. (They didn’t have things like The Walking Dead when I was a lad. There was some kind of cryptkeeper on HBO, but I hadn’t seen it.)

Over time, my understanding of horror changed. I started to realize that it also included sexualized torture porn like Hostel and gross-out torture porn like The Human Centipede… so torture porn, essentially. And I’m not into torture porn… and I’m not going to talk about the kinds of porn I might *hypothetically* be into.

Uh… I like stuff where women are… uh… doing something with turntables?

Horror wasn’t for me. Horror was for weirdos like those two kids in that movie Summer School. I’m not a weirdo… well, not THAT kind of weirdo…

But then came zombie movies. Not Romero zombie movies, but Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland and whatever this is:

Zombies are horror, aren’t they? So I can be “chilled” by something and maybe laugh a little, too? (I don’t know if I “scare” at all since my 1985 run-in with the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.) Is that horror? It is? Well, then… I can handle that…

Ruined me forever

Because I like to laugh.

So there’s the flavor of horror that’s made for me. Make me chuckle… then chill me to the spleen… I can’t guarantee that it’ll “scare” me, but there’s a good chance I’ll have fun.

Zombies are not required. In fact, I’m sure there are plenty of other frightening subjects that are ready to be ruined, like djinn, harpies, Nickelback fans…

So horror purveyors… if you want to create more stuff for people like me… well, that’d be lovely. Don’t leave it up to me. I have no idea what I’m doing.

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